I've been looking back at my life so far and realized that i'm NOT happy about it. I have a problem talking to other people. I wasn't always like this though. In kindergarten to 2nd, i actually talked to people with no problem. But from 3rd to now, i can't even talk to anyone without them saying that i talked, i smiled, i laughed, etc. They even define me as the "quiet one". I hate that title, it's very annoying and that doesn't describe me at all. Then there's home. I'm not saying they are bad parents or anything but sometimes i feel like they expect too much from me. The reason i play the alto sax is because they wanted me too and i had no choice. If i were to do something bad they would yell at me. That's why i am lacking in emotions. I can't even cry without them getting mad! If i were to draw something that includes gore and blood (including sonic.exe) My mom would say that why can't i draw something "better", like trees, flowers, etc. It hurts me because it's what i like to do and for her to say that is just why. It took me a long time to color it just to get that response. I just can't believe that. I remember one time when my sister asked my mom if i was smart, and she said sort of. I WAS RIGHT THERE!!! I just couldn't believe it, that's the reason why i try to be better than i really can because i want them to be proud of me for once in my life. I get an award, it's just an "ok". I get A's and B's, it's just a "get straight A's". No matter what i do they just don't seem to be proud in some way. My mom says "smile more". I just get the feeling that my parents are still seeing me as how i was when i was younger, all happy and such. I'm not like that anymore, I get colder as the days pass by. I've made myself tougher and meaner to people because i can't show weakness. If i were to cry, i would be disappointed in myself because i showed weakness. I'm EXTREMELY past the normal level of anger i've been keeping inside. I kinda lack sympathy, sadness, etc. I just hope that maybe one day i could be able to tell my parents all of this without getting into massive trouble.